trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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