the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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