Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
