you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
