i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I can text with my tongue
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
