i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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