I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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