The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
