I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
