I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
