So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
