Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
