So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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