i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
