I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
