i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Randomize
