another moral hangover. fuck.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
