You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
