using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
