Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
