She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
