Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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