why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
