I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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