I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
