I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
