I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
