Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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