Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she looked like the before picture.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
