Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
