the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
