i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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