I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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