The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You ruined the universe
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
