you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
