you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
