3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
well you can't waste a boner
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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