There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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