for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
