I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
