I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
