This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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