me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
