Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Drunk is not a location!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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