She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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