i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
