Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
