the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
