im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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