but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
