just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
