Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
