Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
