Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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